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[01 May 2005|08:37pm] |
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 sad |
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Today wasnt so bad...
Woke up at 10. Still frickin tired. Was up til like 3 talking.
Ralph came over at around 7. My dog almost ripped his hand off. Not sure why. He left around 8 to go fishing. God, I love him so much. It sucks I cant see him the rest of the week. He works from like 7am to 8 pm like everyday. And when he gets home, we usually chill, but its going to be school nights, so... Glad theres only 20 something days left.
I really dont want to go tomorrow. Then again, do I ever?
Just chowed down some mac and cheese and feel sick.
Sorry Lids friend Barbara (sp?) for using your picture as an icon. I saw it and thought it looked cool.
Out.
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[01 May 2005|12:34am] |
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mood |
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 Its gettin hot in here... |
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Today was fucking awesome!
Hung with Farra around 4.
My mom had guests around 6, so I left to hang with Ralph and da boyz. I watched them play poola nd Luis wrote "Alina loves Ralph" on my arm in graffitti letters. Hot. We left and just played around on the streets. Gen picked us up in her car, we hasian packed that bitch. These dirty drunk mexicans started cursing at us cause what we did was illegal. Brian kept on kicking the back of my legs and making me trip. Whore... We then went to Mc D's and I locked Brian in the trunk and Gen did all these crazy turns and kept popping the trunk so hed fall out. It was funny as hell. They all left and I chilled at Ralphs house til around 11-12. Got home, took a shower, updated. Fun day. Brians such a redneck. And Gerald is a spigger. Teehee... a spanish ni****. Lol. Out.
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[30 Apr 2005|11:34am] |
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mood |
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Boring house... |
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This weekend was THE best Ive had in a looong time. Im not really sure when was the last time I updated, so Im starting from Thursday.
Thursday: Skipped and went to hang with Ralph.
Friday: Luis came over my house and we chilled, then went to Taco Bell. We ended up going to Geralds house and hanging out. Around 11, went over to Ralphs and played poker. Gerald won 30 bucks and I helped Jesse cheat a little bit. He still lost 10 bucks.
Saturday: Went to the beach! Me, Brian, Bobbay, Alex a.k.a Bert, and Ralph went. Gen drove us. We were going to take Brians car cause we wouldnt all fit into Gens, but we ended up squeezing in. We stopped by this dollar store and I felt like such a hoochie. I was in a bathing suit and short skirt. Dirty mexicans... Gen got some goggles that didnt work for shyt. We finally get there and find a good parking spot (Yay!)We got to use this free umbrella cause the lifegaurd didnt know that we didnt pay for it! We got to watch the air preshow for free! It was really cool, and we saw this really big submarine. I tanned for like 3 hours, only got burned a little on my legs. Brian and Bob kept on re-applying this tanning oil. It doesnt even look like Brian got a tan. We went in the water and Brian rubbed sand and seaweed in my hair. After we got out I poured soda on him. We finally leave around 4:30. We get to Ralphs house and go swimming for a few hours. I had to leave aboot an hour after we went swimming sadly. But later on around 12 I went back over and played pool. I kept on putting this pen in Ralphs pocket, and he never felt it. But then when he found it hed be like wtf? It was really funny. I left around 12:30-1. Got home and I had the sudden craving to watcth Titanic. I called Brian, he has it, but doesnt want to go look for it. I call Ralph, he has it and asks if Ill meet him halfway so I can el borrow it. He bums a ride from his sister and he gives it to me. Whoo hoo!!! I was screaming with happiness and I hugged him. I get home and watch it. I cried through the entire thing. It ended at aboot 5 am. I made some hot cocoa and then went to sleep.
Its been a really fun weekend so far.
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[28 Apr 2005|03:50pm] |
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mood |
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So sick of waiting for people. |
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My apoloigies for that last entry. I really wanted to kill somebody then, including myself.
I have done a lot of stupid things in the past. Things I really regret doing. If I had the chace would I go back as far as I can remember and relive my life? The way I want it? I wonder if Id still meet the same people. But no use thinking about the past. Its not going to help me in the present.
The Lion king has taught me one thing:
When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world.
Ive got good news, but Im not going to get my hopes up.
Going to the beach this summer, a lot. R***h gets his license and really wants to go, and bring us with him!
I want to go on a vacation, where I can do what I want, with someone I care about and not have to come back here.
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[28 Apr 2005|01:35pm] |
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Im very displeased with myself |
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Do you ever feel youd be much happier if you lived somewhere where no one knew you? Youd have a clean slate, and you could rebuild yourself.
I realized one thing today, just now. Im very unhappy with myself. I mean, lately Ive tried to cope with my unhappiness and try to make the best of my situation. But now, I cant ignore it. I cant stand the way I act sometimes and I just wish that I could erase everyones mind and show them they way I really am. They may or may not like it.
When school started, I figured, a new setting, a new start. But now its turning into this giant hell hole that I wish I could get out of. But I keep getting pushed further down and I feel trapped.
I was having a good day when I woke up this morning. Wanted to hang with Ralph, since I did skip the entire day of school to go somewhere with him. But no call, no nothing. Waited for hours, and still, nothing. I feel pathetic waiting for him. I know I should forget him, were probably never going to end up together, but I cant help it. Im drawn to him against my better judgement.
It doesnt feel very good to be crushed so many times by people you thought you cared about.
Why cant the world just freeze? Even if only for a day.
I wish that I could tell people things Ive always wanted to. Ive got the strength to do it. But I cant go back, because what if I get a negative reaction and I lose them? Im not willing to take that risk.
I just think I need to fix what I dislike so much, then maybe Ill enjoy life more.
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